For Our Parents, For Our Children

There’s something that your parents aren’t telling you, and it’s for the best, right now. When you have a child, or children in my case, you begin to see things differently. You stop seeing yourself in the mirror, and you see the man that will be responsible for instilling lessons, providing protection, and hopefully, the man that sees your children understand life, and appreciate its bizarre tragedy. “You” don’t exist anymore, it’s the kids that have taken your place.

From my eyes, in my years, in my life, I have learned with every minute, at times every second, that life gets harder, the weight heavier, the cycle of humanity grinds forth into the ever expanding sequences of history that will be rewritten, and crafted, and manipulated for the greed of rich men.

Slowly, I lose my sanity.

Then there are the kids. My kids. Playing in their room, laughing, enjoying this side of their family. They drift in and out of realization, occasionally pondering why they feel the way they do, sadness takes them, then leaves them; sometimes they wonder what family is, or why they have to go to mom’s, then dad’s, then mom’s, then dad’s. At one point, my son told me, “I just want us to be a family.”

And if you’re thinking, “fuck, that’s a tough position to be in as a parent” you are correct.

It’s this and a wealth of other tough questions that will come up throughout the years I will be in their lives. “What is god? What’s prayer? Why do people die? Why don’t they like me in class? Why did he hit me? Why does mom cry so much? Are you mad at me daddy? Do you like me?”

Ha, yeah, it gets harder, for all you aspiring parents.

For the new ones, well, this is what your parents aren’t telling you. It gets harder.

Because as I grow older, as time strips away dreams and hopes like one thin strip of torn skin after another, year after year, I know one day, my son will come across these lessons himself. He will look outside of his window and see a world that is corrupt, unfair, ridiculous, full of hate, collusion; he will see people manipulating others, and will find himself shattered with this truth. He may come to me and ask, “Dad, why?”

I will say, “Son, yes, the world is awful but we are responsible for the actions we take to bring goodness into this place. We must be the stewards of goodness, smile more than the others, we must be comedic, always leaving those we are around laughing and smiling, we must find inspiration in hope, to know that we are strong enough to remain patient, calm, to never harm the weak, and set the example of strength for our family. We are the ones that must protect those around us from this cruelty by showing them the evils of this life have no affect upon us. We see the darkness in the world because we can see the lighter sides of it as well. Only when we cease to see the darkness, will we know, we have fallen into it ourselves.”